Not like this is the first time I’ve posted about this.
But see, this is the thing. Natalia wrote in response to Twisty’s comment that women should repudiate femininity if they can, because they will never have equality unless they are de-otherized.
Because butch women are apparently never raped or treated with sexist scorn. Because I’ve never had my ass grabbed when I was wearing pants or not wearing makeup. I mean, should we all transition in order to get rid of Class Woman? Well, wait, clearly that’s not allowed either.
I have breasts. I have curvy hips and an ass that next to no one is going to confuse for male. Should I lose a bunch of weight in order to make my body as boyish as possible, in order to repudiate femininity and more easily what, pass as a man?
I know I’ll be accused of oversimplifying, so I’ll pull out my own Advanced Blamer card here and quote Susan Bordo, talking about anorexia.
“On the other hand, even as young women today continue to be taught traditionally ‘feminine’ virtues, to the degree that the professional arena is open to them they must also learn to embody the ‘masculine’ language and values of that arena–self-control, determination, cool, emotional discipline, mastery, and so on. Female bodies now speak symbolically of this necessity in their slender spare shape…Our bodies, too, as we trudge to the gym every day and fiercely resist both our hungers and our desire to sooth ourselves, are becoming more and more practiced at the ‘male’ virtues of control and self-mastery. The anorectic pursues these virtues with single-minded, unswerving dedication…
Explored as a possibility for the self, the “androgynous” ideal ultimately exposes its internal contradiction and becomes a war that tears the subject in two–a war explicitly thematized, by many anorectics, as a battle between the male and female sides of the self…
Protesting the stifling of the female voice through one’s own voicelessness–that is, employing the language of femininity to protest the conditions of the female world–will always involve ambiguities of this sort…
As her body begins to lose its traditional feminine curves, its breasts and hips and rounded stomach, begins to feel and look more like a spare, lanky male body, she begins to feel untouchable, out of reach of hurt, “invulnerable, clean and hard as the bones etched into my silhouette,” as one student described it in her journal…
Through her anorexia, by contrast, she has unexpectedly discovered an entry into the privileged male world, a way to become what is valued in our culture, a way to become safe, to rise above it all–for her, they are the same thing…
To reshape one’s body into a male body is not to put on male power and privilege. To feel autonomous and free while harnessing body and soul to an obsessive body-practice is to serve, not transform, a social order that limits female possibilities. And, of course, for the female to become male is only for her to locate herself on the other side of a disfiguring opposition…
For if femininity is, as Susan Brownmiller has said, at its core a ‘tradition of imposed limitations,’ then an unwillingness to limit oneself, even in the pursuit of femininity, breaks the rules.
The fact is that since “masculine” has been constructed as the neutral form for so long in ‘patriarchal’ society, for women to “repudiate femininity” doesn’t give them a neutral option. It mostly leads to the embrace of masculine bodily and clothing signifiers–thus, you catch women comparing how long it’s been since they’ve shaved, when body hair has been socially constructed for so long as a signifier of manhood. Women congratulate themselves for not dressing in a feminine manner, when the opposite is to adopt clothing gendered masculine.
So to “repudiate femininity” is not at all to do away with a gender binary. It is instead to adopt the other half of it–the masculine half.
I know there will be people who read this and say “That’s not what Twisty meant!” And of course a certain picture of femininity is valued in our culture above others. I have written and linked above about the changing creation of masculinity and femininity across (Western) culture, and how maintaining masculinity requires as much discipline as femininity.
But I am merely illustrating the fact that policing women’s bodies is NOT a feminist act. Policing women’s femininity is not helping women. It is still playing into the same double bind that Bordo is talking about when she writes of anorexia. Being able to dress and look how we want and still be respected as intelligent individuals capable of all the things men are capable of–THAT would be liberation.
Of all the options out there, all the drag I could wear, I choose several options. My closet is a costume chest full of personae for me to play with. Today I have to meet my students for the semester for the first time–the rest of the semester they will see me in the lab and so in jeans and clothes that I won’t be too sad if I get photo chemicals on. So today I put on a skirt and a nice shirt and I play teacher. Later I’m going out for drinks with a friend, so I will play pretty. Right now I’m writing, so I am lounging in my PJ’s. All these things are options for me. Options. Some are feminine, some are not. And I require people to treat me with respect and listen to me no matter how I am dressed. Which, to me, seems to be a better way of teaching them that feminine /= stupid or unworthy, rather than having to disavow anything sparkly or femme because it might make them take me less seriously or “other” me.
After all, isn’t repudiating femininity what patriarchal culture was all about?
Wow! I need to read Bordo and keep meaning to…
Also, what is “femininity” in one culture is not necessarily regarded that way in another, which proves the categories are often arbitrary and culturally-proscribed. Is Sarah Palin not feminine because she hunts moose, skins and eats them? (I’d never do anything like that, GROSS!) She also wears high-heels and has 5 kids. (I’d never do that either!)
I am tired of this policing of personal style. SUBSTANCE PLEASE.
Excellent post.
I work at a college where women make up 95% of the students (it’s a women’s college, but does admit men into post-bac programs). Most of the students do present feminine, all the stuff that Twisty and the gang hate. And there’s also androgynous and masculine-presenting women, along with a fair number of geek women who could care less what image they present.
And you know what? They are *all* smart. They are *all* doing amazing things, and many can run rings around me. So many of them move into leadership positions after graduating, or go on to masters and phd’s, etc.
*That’s* what matters. not whether she (or he or ze, for that matter) is wearing heels and a skirt, or baggy cargo shorts.
I know I’m repeating myself, but there’s only one thing I can call this kind of policing on the part of the twistylutionaries - woman hating (* waves at dworkin *).
The fact is that since “masculine” has been constructed as the neutral form for so long in ‘patriarchal’ society, for women to “repudiate femininity” doesn’t give them a neutral option. It mostly leads to the embrace of masculine bodily and clothing signifiers–thus, you catch women comparing how long it’s been since they’ve shaved, when body hair has been socially constructed for so long as a signifier of manhood.
On the one hand, a part of me reacts to this with: but, isn’t there something to be said that femininity generally takes more of an effort than masculinity? Shaving your legs takes time and a certain amount of money; not shaving does not. Wearing make-up takes time and money; not wearing make-up does not. Walking in heels takes more effort than walking in men’s shoes. This doesn’t mean that these things won’t be societally perceived as masculine, of course, but the flip side of masculine being considered the norm is that things that are neutral, i.e. do not require action to be done, get labeled as masculine.
On the other hand, something about the way you phrased this I really, really like, and it makes sense to me. This post & Natalia’s (& Twisty’s too) have given me a lot to think about with my own relationship to femininity. I like your last paragraph, a lot, about the idea of having access to different types of drag–oh, how I wish I could remember where I first read the phrase “gender a la carte” so I could give proper credit to what I think is a pretty great idea, the idea that we should all have the freedom to pick and choose and discard what aspects of gender presentation we want or don’t want.
Isabel: absolutely, the current forms of presenting “feminine” in Western society require a certain amount of effort–at least, if one goes with the makeup-and-heels style, which I tend to do at times. Shaving one’s legs requires effort–then again, so does shaving one’s face.
The thing is that for me, putting on makeup is FUN. It’s time I spend on myself. Going to the salon to get my hair cut is fun.
The problem is, of course, when these things are outwardly enforced upon us. If you lose your job or your lover because you don’t shave your legs, or your friends call you a sellout because you do. If you are treated as less of a person for wearing a dress than if you wore a (masculine) suit, or vice versa.
If you don’t shave because you don’t like to shave, mazel tov. If you don’t shave because some part of you thinks that by repudiating femininity you’re doing women a favor, well, I beg to differ.
And yes, what you mention as “gender a la carte” is exactly what I’m proposing. And as Western society changes, it is becoming more and more of an option. Check out men’s magazines and “guyliner” and the whole metrosexual trend, as well as women being free to dress how they are comfortable, rather than having pantyhose and skirts enforced upon us. It’s certainly not perfect, but it’s becoming much more of a set of costumes to play with, a set of toys, than it used to be, and that to me is much better than some sort of vanilla world where everyone has zero gender signifiers.
One thing that I dislike about the Twistylutionary rush to propose that women abandon femininity to protect ourselves from the Patriarchy is that it places the responsibility for protecting ourselves on ourselves, that it removes just that much accountability from men. That it is a more sophisticated and far-reaching variation of blaming women for the violence we experience.
And as Sarah points out, it privileges masculinity as the default, which doesn’t help sexism.
Also, I do enjoy the makeup and the shaving (or the waxing when I could afford that). I enjoy femininity.
but if we all abandon femininity, whatever will Twisty have to talk about/sneer at? What will she do with herself?
belle: Exactly. She and her peanut gallery don’t want revolution. They live solely for the fight, and will always shift the goalposts so that they never reach their goal, for doing so would remove any reason to live (and I mean that literally).
you hit the nail on the head here. i’ve never understood why being more like a man in my looks and behavior is supposed to make me a better woman.
Susan Bordo is awesome. Must read.
For reals.
Gender is a thing we write onto bodies. That may not be oppressive in a vacuum, but it definitely is when everyone in the world gets to write gender onto your body except you. I think it’s difficult for some women to think about re-appropriating tools of that historical and present-day oppression as toys, but that doesn’t mean that doing so isn’t a powerful act. ‘cuz it’s the first step in getting to write gender, and its meaning, onto yourself.